


The Bunker: Flatshare Edition

by SaltAndBurn (AlyssiaInWonderland)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Crack, Crushes, Dean has a crush and asks Charlie for advice, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, Humor, M/M, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Pansexual Sam Winchester, Ridiculous, Sam laughs at him, Water Guns, i don't even know what this is, this is just utterly ridiculous and hopefully funny idek what to say y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:23:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssiaInWonderland/pseuds/SaltAndBurn
Summary: Dean, Sam, Charlie and Kevin have a flat-share at college. Crowley is a PhD student living in the flat below. Castiel lives in the library and steals their couch regularly.This is pretty much just Dean being ridiculous about his crush, Sam being ridiculous about *his* crush, Castiel being ridiculous about language translations, and Crowley being ridiculous about everything. Charlie and Kevin are (mostly) innocent and helpful bystanders/accomplices.I don't know how to explain this, it's just crack/humour in a silly little college AU ok?!





	The Bunker: Flatshare Edition

“Charlie.”   
  
Charlie shrieked and jumped in her seat, nearly flinging her laptop onto their coffee table in surprise. Dean backed off, laughing, as Sam looked up from his perch at the kitchen table, glaring angrily.

“Dean just snuck up and whispered in my ear! Sorry, Sam. I know you have that test coming up.” Charlie apologised, and Sam shrugged.

“It’s okay, Charlie. I know my brother can be a jerk.” Sam grinned, and went back to pouring over his most recent law textbook.

“Sorry, Charlie.” Dean did not look sorry in any way. “But I gotta get your advice.” Dean flopped down on the sofa next to her, and she set her laptop on the desk with an indulgent sigh.

“Fire away, Brutus.” Charlie drew her legs up so she sat cross-legged, and turned to face Dean side-along. “Let me guess; this is about a guy.”   
  
“Hey! I’m not that predictable!” Dean protested.

The silence drew out.

“Okay, fine, it’s about a guy.”   
  
“I knew it!” Charlie crowed, punching the air victoriously. “Now, tell me everything. Except about the sex.”   
  
“Charlie! I - what - I -” Dean stuttered.

“Dean Winchester, stunned speechless by a boy? Do I hear wedding bells a-ringing?” Sam interjected, affecting a truly atrocious southern accent, and batting his eyelashes so rapidly it looked like he might fall off his chair with the effort.

“Can it, Sammy. You make a crap Southern Belle.” Dean rolled his eyes. “Besides, ain’t you supposed to be studying, not making cracks at my love life?”   
  
“I’d only be making cracks at it if you had one, Dean.” Sam buried himself back in his book, which Dean decided to take as a moral victory, if not an actual one.

“Ouch.” Charlie winced. “He has a point, though. Have you even spoken to him yet?”   
  
“Yes!” Dean snapped, stung. “He likes pi!”

“You asked him about food?” Charlie looked grudgingly impressed.

“No,” Dean admitted. “He knows the number to, like, twenty decimal places or something. Our annoying lecturer asked someone for it and he just kept going. It was freaking hilarious, man!”   
  
“So you have only spoken to him in class. And you’ve decided you like him.” Charlie returned to unimpressed. Fast.

“What? The guy has a sense of humour.” Dean said, with the air of a man attempting to seem at least a little reasonable when he knew the little ground he had was fragmenting rapidly under Charlie’s stern stare. “Besides, he’s nice, and he’s hot.” He added. Then he frowned, unable to trust his judgement after the never-to-be-spoken-of Alistair. “I think. He’s at least one of those. He’s hot, right? Charlie - is he hot?” Dean looked over to her pleadingly, offering his phone, unlocked, to her. Dean ignored Sam’s snort at the fact it was blatantly on a Facebook profile, and settled for glaring until Sam returned to his laptop.

Charlie took the phone, and blinked at the moderately attractive man on the screen.

“I’m literally too gay for this, Dean. Oh my God.” She groaned, and shrugged at him, seemingly unmoved by his visage.

“Please, Charlie, I need help!” Dean whined, peering at his crush’s Facebook pictures. “He is hot.” Dean decided. Then blanched. “Right?”

This was the moment where, if his flatmates were actual assholes, they would make a joke about how insecure he was in his crushes on guys. Reference how ridiculous it was for someone quite so bisexual as him, to second-guess every impression he had quite so much. Fortunately, they were not assholes - even though he’d never admit that out loud. So Charlie, wonderful being that she was, took a deep breath, and Dean predicted she was setting aside her neutrality to try and form an opinion. It would be much easier if he’d decided to crush on a girl this time. They actually shared similar taste in women.

“Yes, Dean.” She said, after scrutinising the pictures, and doing a quick search to drag up a few more. She batted Dean’s hands away from the keyboard as he leaned in to try and take a closer look at the images she’d turned up that he hadn’t got in a cursory google search. “Your newest crush is not completely hideous. Happy?”

“Charlieeeeeee,” Dean began, his tone wheedling as he made grabby hands for her laptop. She opened her mouth to deny him, when Sam piped up form across the room.

“Found him!” Sam grinned triumphantly from his laptop.

“What?” Dean blinked up at his little brother, alarm plainly written across his face. “How? No you haven’t!”   
  
“Benny Lafitte, right?” Dean carefully closed his gaping mouth. “He’s hot. Now ask him out instead of stalking him on the internet!”

“I hate you.” Dean said, weakly.

“Well done, young padawan!” Charlie congratulated Sam, cheerfully. “Was it all the Facebook likes that did it?”   
  
“I cross-checked guys in Dean’s maths lectures with guys in the LGBT+ society and his recent likes. It was too easy.” Sam bragged.

“I thought you were reading. For your test. Remember?” Dean pointed out through gritted teeth.

“It’s about researching your case before taking it on. I was basically practising.” Sam grinned.

“Ugh. Lawyers.” Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s rich to call me Brutus, what kind of a STEM major are you that you let me be weak to a lawyer?” He poked Charlie.

“I’m the awesome, genius, lesbian kind.” Charlie said, and poked him back.

Before it could devolve into an all-out war, Kevin emerged into  _ The Bunker _ \- their name for their flatshare - from the hallway, followed by Castiel.

“Hey, what’s up!” Charlie waved enthusiastically at the pair. 

Kevin waved back, and dumped his bag by his room’s door before sprawling out on the floor by the sofa.

“I’d ask how your day was, but the melodrama makes me think  _ not great _ .” Dean used his socked foot to pat Kevin on the shoulder sympathetically. Kevin shoved his feet away in disgust, laughing anyway.

“I have so many translations, and my work group have all been scared away from the library, because guess who turned up again?” Kevin sighed, throwing an arm over his eyes to protect himself from the lights, until Castiel moved silently so his shadow protected him. “Thanks, Cas.” Castiel nodded in response, content to be silent, as usual.

“Crowley?” Sam guessed.

“Shut up, you! Test, remember?” Dean eyed Sam pointedly, and Sam backed down, an echo of how Dean used to make Sam do his homework on the vanishingly rare occasions he hadn’t already done it. Castiel watched the exchange with an air of mild interest. “But it was Crowley, right?” He added, and Castiel smirked - perhaps so Sam wouldn’t have to.

“Yep! I have no idea how he even gets from the dungeon to the library and back without anyone observing him. It’s probably dark magic.” Kevin let both his arms fall to the ground now Castiel formed a wall for him. “Do you think he’d move if we started praying really hard?”

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad.” Dean said, and shrugged when everyone stared at him. “He lives in the flat below, he contributes to the wifi, and he only talks to us when we need him to do something. It ain’t that bad of a deal. He’s not even that dramatic, for a Classics major. Even if he does scare off people who ring the wrong doorbell.”

“Dean has a point.” Charlie conceded.

“Prayer has so far been an inefficient method for dealing with Crowley,” Castiel pronounced. “Though I find he reacts rather extremely to holy water. And Enochian.”

“Holy water?” Kevin asked, tentatively. “Do I want to know?”   
  
“Probably not.” Castiel said, gravely. 

“I do!” Sam put aside the book, and shrugged at Dean’s glare. “I’m not going to get any more reading done tonight. So, Cas. Are you going to tell us, or are we going to have to compel you?”

“What methods of persuasion are you tempted to employ?” Castiel turned his full, intense gaze to Sam, eyeing him as if considering every atom of his being.

“Terrible ones,” Sam said, meeting Castiel’s gaze. “There might even be some oil involved.”

“Okay, that’s it, enough information about my kid brother’s sex life, thank you!” Dean interrupted, hands covering his ears ineffectually, as he tried to bleach the innuendo from his brain.

“It’s okay,” Charlie patted his knee soothingly. “Soon you’ll be able to focus on your own, with Benny, and you’ll be too busy buying lots of co-”   
  
“So, Cas! Holy water?” Dean spoke over Charlie, using one hand to cover her mouth and muffle her continued attempts to talk while Sam and Kevin laughed openly at them.

In lieu of replying verbally, Castiel reached into his coat and retrieved a small water pistol.

“You didn’t.” Dean released Charlie, while they all stood for a moment in silent contemplation of the toy.

“I did.”

The silence somehow gained an admiring quality.

A knock on the door interrupted them. Castiel moved to open it, but Sam had already hopped up. Sam opened the door, to reveal Crowley, holding a super-soaker. He scanned the room, located Castiel approximately two feet from the door, and fired.

Sam dived on top of Dean and Charlie to take shelter behind the sofa.

“Sorry for any collateral, boys and girls,” Crowley called. “But Castiel has declared war on my kingdom. Oh - hello Kevin! I do hope your translation is going well. Unlike Castiel’s  _ Enochian _ .”

Castiel stood, seemingly unmoved by the deluge, and Crowley’s words. The stream of water subsided, leaving Castiel dripping into a large puddle on the hallway linoleum.

Once Crowley’s weapon was empty, Castiel took a single step forwards, and squeezed the trigger of his small water pistol.

A tiny jet of water squirted directly into Crowley’s face.

Crowley and Castiel glared at one another.

“You shot me. With a water pistol. In the middle of my Latin texts. Because you needed help deciphering some Enochian.” Crowley jutted his chin out, looking at Castiel expectantly.

“You insulted my Enochian.” Castiel answered.

“Yes, well, it’s hardly my fault it looks like something made up by a fantasy TV series!” Crowley protested.

“He’s not wrong.” Added Kevin. “Hey Crowley. You scared away my work group again.”   
  
“Please, you’ll score better without them.” Crowley said, dismissively.

“True again.” Kevin snorted.

“I was advised to persuade you to help me. Holy water seemed a suitable method, given your demonic obsession with Latin.” Castiel seemed determined to stick to his guns. Even lacking further water-ammunition, save that slowly dripping off his body.

“Sam, please teach your boyfriend better meanings for the word  _ persuasion _ . If not for me, then for the integrity of your floors. And my ceiling. This should cover any cleaning bills.” Crowley winked at Sam, glared at Castiel, dropped two twenties into Castiel’s damp hand, did an about turn, and clicked the door shut behind him.

“Okay,” Dean said. “Maybe he is a bit dramatic.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like I say, I have no idea what this is. It just sort of happened. I hope it's fun to read, I guess?
> 
> As every, comments and kudos feed my dark soul! <3


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